Celibacy: a path off the beaten track
of reading - words
In this article, Cerise tells us about her journey on the road to celibacy, her doubts but also how God touched her heart. Have a good reading! 🙂
It is never easy to write about this subject and I do not want this text to be a lecture, a study or a dissertation. What I want is for my experience to be useful, to encourage and highlight a situation that is often denigrated, exposed to mockery or simply forgotten.
I don't really like the word celibacy, and that's probably because it sounds like something negative similar to a disease that should be cured as soon as possible. In relation to everything I have experienced, I would rather associate it with a blossoming, a chance to experience something else, a path off the beaten track....
By saying that I do not want to make any judgments, or to say that one situation is better than another. Getting married young is a beautiful thing and I am not saying that celibacy is the best way to go, nor is it an unchanging situation, but each person follows a different path.
There are many books on marriage, it is a subject that is very much discussed in society and in the church. I am saddened to see that celibacy is only a status to be changed as soon as possible. If only we could learn that this is a good time and that we must not be in a hurry to change. If only we were prepared to live this period in our lives, whether it lasts 1 year or longer...
I must admit that during my adolescence and the years that followed I was totally frightened by the celibacy that I perceived as a drama in a person's life and as an unchanging fact: Celibacy is for life (especially when you exceed a certain age). My journey was long before I found a certain serenity (which still falters from time to time but built on my rock Jesus Christ it does not collapse).
Born and raised in a Christian family, I have always seen marriage as something beautiful and necessary. My adolescence was filled with heartbreaks and broken hearts, always having the absolute of great love and expectation of the man with whom I will begin my life.
God saved me from many mistakes and helped me to make the decision to live for Him and to honor Him with my choices. It was after that that around the age of 18 I began to pray for God to give me a husband (the man he had chosen for me) with my best friend.
I really wanted to get married before my 25th birthday and I considered myself single but still waiting for the meeting and without really living this period and benefiting from it. I remember having had difficult moments at the age of 26, I remember praying on my knees on the tile in my front door and begging God to grant me a meeting with my husband.
Even if I sometimes saw all the blessings that celibacy brought me, I cannot say that I was fulfilled, on every birthday I finally hoped to get married that year.
In 2015 I reached the famous 30-year-old summit and that autumn I had an experience that opened my eyes. A possibility of the future opened up to me and I experienced moments of questioning and intense reflection.
I realized that my situation was absolutely not pathetic but that on the contrary my celibacy was a blessing for me and for others and that I was not ready to end this life for a mediocre future. I enjoyed a wonderful freedom and the only one to whom I was accountable was God.
While searching for books on celibacy I made a beautiful discovery: among all the books on "how to get married at last" and "living your celibacy" written by married women, I found the book that suited me perfectly, I don't wait anymore. It was written by a young single Christian woman in her thirties.
Unfortunately the book was not published for another 6 months but I was able to discover her blog where she shared her experience with a freshness that I had not yet seen. The article that struck me the most talked about the fact that we were conditioned to wait for marriage to start living and especially that we had created promises that God had never made. Seeing time passing and celibacy lasting forever could lead us to doubt God's love and fidelity and to send everything away.
Here is an excerpt: "I know that marriage can be wonderful, but God has plans that I could not accomplish as a married woman. My situation may one day change, maybe he'll have other plans for me, but today I know he has work for me."
"One day it is possible that our path will take another turn and that by marrying us it will fulfill his plan. But even if this does not happen, celibacy is not a waiting room. It is, like every moment in our lives, a story that has a purpose and is both wonderful and essential."
The year before I had already read a very encouraging and counter-current book: Your half of the apple is a dishevelled book written by a woman who has lived through celibacy, marriage and again celibacy. It was written in the 70s and the style is very direct. Despite the time lag, the word of God does not change and what it says remains true and profound.
Let's stop looking for the perfect partner but let's improve! And let's not wait for marriage to blossom and be fulfilled! Only God can fill. I know that this sentence has been used wrongly and wrongly to encourage singles but it remains true, we have everything fully in Christ.
These two readings really hit me hard and changed my ideas and feelings.
All this does not change the fact that I have the desire to marry, but it made me understand that my celibacy was God's will, that he used me and that it was not a horrible sacrifice, a cross to bear but that I could take treasures and enrich myself.
And you? What is your path?